I am proud of you!
Today one of my best friends called me and left me the most sincere, kindest and heartfelt messages I have ever received. She called to tell me she was proud of me. Proud of what I had created in my life and who I was as a person, wife and mother. It brought me to tears, but at the same time as feeling the immense love from her heart to mine, my old friend ‘ego’ popped up to tell me I had nothing to be proud of.
Why should I be proud of myself? I was no different to everyone else out there ducking and weaving through life, navigating whatever comes at me. I haven’t achieved all the things I know are possible for me, and I have certainly fallen with my face flat in the dirt more times than most. So why should I be proud…?
As I sat in that thought and arm wrestled with my ego I decided to go quiet (for a change) and dig really deep. Surely there was something deep down inside me that I was proud of? I realised that I had spent a good part of my life with what many call the ‘disease to please’ craving the attention and validation from my parents, siblings, my husband, friends and even my kids. I was always looking to do good deeds in order to be praised and liked – and for people to tell me they were proud of me.
A few years ago, my ‘woo woo’ coach as I affectionately call her dug deep into my need to be perfect and please. Where did all that ‘stuff’ come from and what dis-ease was it causing me? We spent many sessions going back to past memories, to the little girl called Robyn and why I was still in so many ways was that little girl in a grown ups body.
The process brought to light the fact that if I didn’t begin to love myself I would end up sad, miserable, broke and probably really, really sick. So I started work on loving myself.
That journey started with a few big steps:
- Removing alcohol from my life. I didn’t love it much and I realised that I was drinking it in order to tolerate people in my life that I really didn’t dig that much. So the bubbles had to go (been scratched off a few invite lists – but hey that is OK).
- I removed myself from places and situations where those people I didn’t dig hung out and where I felt least like myself and I said NO to invites that I normally would have gulited myself into saying YES to.
- I made peace with the fact that my mum, no matter how hard I tried, was ever going to be someone who I could really vibe with – we’re just singing from different song sheets.
- I realised I was never going to be everyone’s cup of tea and that is OK. And when I found myself trying to make other people feel good about themselves (by putting myself down and playing small) that I needed to remove myself.
- And not matter how dumb it felt I would do the mirror work my mentor Louise Hay taught me all those years ago and tell myself to my face that I loved me everyday (well almost everyday).
The whole process wasn’t easy and even to this day I slip up. I let myself get swept up in EGO and say YES when I know I should say NO. I slip back into the little girl seeking her parents approval and I really don’t love myself at all some days.
But what I have learnt is that you have to try. Right where you are, in whatever pile of poo you might find yourself sitting in you owe it to yourself and the people you love to try. To take small gradual steps to a place where you love who you are, with all the cracks, wrinkles and scars. So that when you get a call from a friend telling you how proud they are of you, you can accept their love with thanks and joy instead of cringing.
What I know for sure is that I am here on this earth to do amazing things and serve the world with the gifts and talents I have been given and I can not do that from a place of fear and shame. I must lead with LOVE and the first place that LOVE needs to start is with myself.
“Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.” “I find that when we really love and accept and approve of ourselves exactly as we are, then everything in life works.” –Louise Hay–
I love you (insert your name here).
Want to learn about Louise Hay’s mirror work?
Here is the verse I say everyday (almost)